At seventeen I became pregnant. I had just got off a meth addiction and was taking sedatives everyday to help with my cravings. I knew I couldn't have the baby because of all the drugs I'd abused, but from the moment I knew about it I loved it and wanted to keep it. My choice to abort was the hardest decision I've ever had to make and the most unselfish thing I've ever done. I knew I couldn't begin to give that child the life it deserved and rather than bring it into a world that would be cruel and unforgiving to it because of my mistakes, I decided to save it.

The abortion itself was horrifying to me. The clinic I went to was supposedly the best in the city for that type of thing, yet was so overcrowded and underfunded it felt like a train station rather then a medical facility. The nurses were vapid and even seemed disgusted by the patients at times. This was hard for me at such a young age to be looked upon in contempt by the very people who were suppose to be supporting this unsurmountable venture. One nurse even told me I probably was carrying twins before I went into the operating room! How horrifying! They wouldn't let me stay with my mother in the back offices because of the crowd of patients. Many of the women spoke loudly of their other children and how they got pregnant because they weren't taught about or how to properly use contraception. To a woman who has had an abortion looking at, hearing about, even thinking about children can be extremely painful, yet I couldn't get away from them because of how constrained the facilities were.

After the procedure I only remember tears.

For months I tried to find non-church associated support group to no avail. My friends who found out and my family members treated me with apathy and even hatred. I was so alone for so long, left to deal with my grief and anguish by myself because there was no one who understood how horrifying it was.